


with my body i thee worship

by yodalorian



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Ballroom Dancing, Breaking Up & Making Up, Brief suicidal thoughts, Duelling, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Guilt, Marriage, Medium Burn, Minor Alcohol, Minor Gun Violence, Minor Violence, Regency Romance, Sharing a Bed, Theft, bit of period typical misogyny, brief christianity, far from the madding crowd inspired, i did research but historical accuracy is mostly out the window, kinda jaded rose tico, mention of war, sorry it isn't slower i ran out of time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yodalorian/pseuds/yodalorian
Summary: Miss Rey Nemo is the new mistress of Manor Takodana, left to her by the late Lord Skywalker. When a strange man named Kylo Ren appears on her doorstep, she decides to hire him as her new groundskeeper. As Rey faces sinister threats and secrets are revealed, Kylo Ren may be the only person who can save her.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 25
Collections: To Find Your Kiss: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	1. The Stranger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [niennathegrey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niennathegrey/gifts).



> i really hope you like it

He would have rather been anywhere else. Anywhere.

But this was his last hope.

He took a deep breath and lifted the knocker’s brass ring, letting it fall again against the heavy oaken door. It clanged abnormally loudly, rattling his nerves even more. He steeled himself.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door creaked open. A man peered out at him. He was tall and thin, with closely cropped white hair and spectacles resting on his nose. “Good morning, sir! What brings you to Manor Takodana?” He spoke with a clipped accent.

“Uh. Who are you?”

A small smile came over the man’s face, as if he had been waiting for this exact question. He folded his hands and stood up straight. “I am Charles Pierre Ognard the Third, butler of Manor Takodana and servant of Miss Rey Nemo. May I ask your name?”

The newcomer ignored Ognard’s question. “Who is Miss Rey Nemo?”

“Why, the mistress of the house, sir.”

“Mistress of the house?” No, no, none of this made sense. This was wrong.

“Yes.” Ognard was starting to frown in confusion. “Sir, I must ask your business here, this--”

“Where can I find Miss Rey Nemo?”

“Well, I believe she is currently in her study upstairs,” Ognard stammered, “but sir, I manage all visitors, and you--”

The stranger ignored Ognard again and pushed past him, marching into the house and up the stairs. Ognard scrambled after him, flustered, protesting feebly that all of this was against protocol.

He found the door to the study and flung it open. The woman inside glanced up from the letter she was reading.

Honestly, he didn’t know what he expected. When he’d heard that some lady was camping inside the house that belonged to him, he thought maybe some old estranged aunt, trying to snatch up a bit of wealth to fuel the entertainment of her twilight years. Not the woman who was now standing in front of him, a little confused but mostly annoyed. The woman who looked far too young to be mistress of anything, with elegantly braided chestnut hair, who carried herself with a determined ferocity like nothing he had ever seen before, who…

The appearance of Ognard, puffing heavily after his run up the stairs, interrupted the stranger’s thoughts. Miss Rey Nemo’s eyes flicked to her butler. “You’re supposed to take care of this sort of thing.”

“Deepest apologies, madam.” Ognard braced himself against the doorway, still trying to catch his breath. “He, ah, slipped away. But this is...well, he has yet to inform me of his identity. But he is here for...well, he has yet to tell me that either,”

“I see.” Her attention turned to the stranger. “Do you typically intrude into the houses of strangers and then stand there silently?”

“What…” He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “What are you doing here?”

She scowled. “This is my house. I should be asking you that question.”

“How is it your house?”

She crossed her arms, a little defensive now. “I inherited it.”

“What?”

Miss Rey Nemo sighed. “I don’t know why I’m entertaining this, but you’re strangely persistent. Charles, would you fetch Lord Skywalker’s will, please.”

“Right away, madam.” Ognard scurried away and returned a few moments later, pushing a thick wad of paper into the stranger’s hands.

Emblazoned across the top was THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF THE MOST HONORABLE LUKE SKYWALKER, MARQUESS OF TATOOINE, LORD OF MANOR TAKODANA, KNIGHT OF THE JEDI. He quickly flipped through it. A bunch of legal jargon, but it was clear. The estate had been left to Skywalker’s ward, this girl Rey Nemo, who he had never heard of before. And his name nowhere to be found.

He handed the will back to Ognard. Miss Rey Nemo raised her eyebrows. “Are your inquiries satisfied then, sir?”

He tried to plaster on a smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yes. Thank you, miss. I’ll...I’ll be going now.” He quickly turned and left.

Ognard stared at the retreating figure of the stranger. “What an odd man.”

Miss Rey Nemo slumped back down into her chair. “Indeed.”

Ognard left her alone to return to her work, and she wished that she could. She wanted nothing more than to forget about the bizarre encounter and get back to what she needed to get done. But try as she might, Rey simply found herself unable to forget about the strange man. Something about his dark eyes struck her in the heart. Something about his manner reminded her of...herself, maybe.

Rey sighed and got up. She hoped she wasn’t going to regret this.

In a few minutes, her horse had been saddled and she was galloping along the dusty road, wind stinging her eyes. It was late August now, and the weather was starting to turn cooler. Rey pulled her scarf tighter around her and spurred on her house. 

She finally caught up to him at the crest of the farthest hill. He was a lonely figure walking slowly along the path towards town, with the reluctant gait of someone with no good destination in mind. “Sir!” she called.

After a few tries, he finally turned around. Rey dismounted. “Are you...alright?”

He shook his head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seemed...rather upset back there.”

“I’m fine.” Something about his voice and the way he crossed his arms was terribly unconvincing.

Rey rubbed her thumb along the reins she still gripped, not looking at him. “Well, ah, I am in need of a groundskeeper.”

“A groundskeeper.”

“Yes. He would, ah, take care of the grounds. You know. The gardens and trees.” Damn, this went better in her head. Something about having his dark gaze on her now...her heart was beating erratically.

“I see.”

“And would in turn receive pay. Accommodations.” 

“Are you offering me a job?”

She steeled herself and held his gaze. “Yes.”

He simply stared at her for a long moment. Those eyes burned into her, but she refused to look away. “Very well then, Miss Rey Nemo.”

She held out her hand and he shook it. His grip was strong and warm. “May I know the name of my new groundskeeper, at the very least?”

A shadow briefly flickered over his face. “Kylo Ren,” he finally said.

“Welcome to Manor Takodana, Mr. Ren.” Rey swung herself back onto her horse. “You weren’t planning on walking all the way back, were you?”

“I suppose not.” Smoothly, he mounted the horse as well and settled into the saddle behind her. His arms lightly encircled her waist, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Hoping he couldn’t see the way her face was burning now, Rey turned the horse around and spurred it back towards the house.


	2. New Growth

“How are you settling in, Mr. Ren?”

Kylo straightened and wiped the sweat and dirt from his brow. Rey was striding towards him. “As well as can be expected, I suppose.” It had been a week since his hiring. He wasn’t a stranger to so much manual labor, but it still took a little getting used to. As it turned out, Rey didn’t care much about the grounds. He was mostly allowed to reshape them as he wanted. “Did you need something?”

She smirked. “Is my company really so detestable? No, I just wanted some fresh air. Thought I’d come by.” She crossed her arms and looked out over the rolling fields. “Rather warm today, isn’t it?”

“Indeed, miss.” Though the turn into September was rapidly approaching, the weather was balmy today. Kylo had stripped down to a thin cotton shirt he had sweated right through. Rey made a conscientious effort to not look at his torso despite the fact that, or perhaps because, it was...not hard on the eyes.

“You know, you don’t have to keep calling me miss. Just Rey is fine.”

He raised an eyebrow. “We have a working relationship. You call me Mr. Ren, after all.”

She sighed. “Fair enough.”

“What sort of name is Rey Nemo, though?” he mused.

She hitched up her shoulders a little. “I don’t know. I didn’t pick it out.”

Kylo shrugged. “Odd family name, the Latin word for nobody.”

“Oh, are you educated in the classics now?” she said a little snappishly.

He shot a pointed glance at her. “I’m not a stupid kid who grew up on a farm.”

“No? Then what are you?”

Kylo turned to look at her fully now. “I don’t see any need to pry into my past.”

“Seems only fair since you were poking at mine just moments before.”

“Yeah?” He raised his eyebrows. “That was nothing.” He drew closer to her. “I could ask instead why you refuse to let me repair the hole in the eastern hedge. Or why you tell Ognard to leave the door to the kitchens unlocked. I sleep in a wing off the stables, you know. It may be dark at night, but I can still hear.”

Rey felt her face redden. She tried to muster up something to say, but being so close to him was...disorienting.

Kylo smirked a little. “There’s something else going on here, Miss Rey Nemo.”

“Well. We all have our own little secrets.”

“I suppose we do.” He turned away from her, and suddenly Rey found that she could breathe again. Kylo silently returned to his work, and the moment stretched out into a slightly tensed silence.

“What are you doing, anyway?” Rey asked, mostly just to break the increasingly uncomfortable quiet.

He jabbed his shovel into the packed dirt, breaking it up. “Planting saplings. I think the house could use a line of trees here.”

Rey tried to imagine it. “Yes. That would be nice.”

Kylo grunted as he lifted dirt out of the hole. “Whoever your last groundskeeper was, he didn’t do a very good job.” 

Rey groaned. “He was awful.”

Kylo lifted his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Man named Plutt,” Rey sighed. “Lazy and terribly rude, not to mention a drunk. I will never understand why Lord Skywalker kept him employed for so long. I fired him as soon as I inherited the estate.”

“How long had he worked here?”

“About twenty years."

Kylo whistled. “And you simply fired him? After that long?”

Rey crossed her arms. “Well, yes. I had to.”

“Seems harsh.”

“Are you questioning my methods, Mr. Ren?” Rey snapped, a little defensively. “Need I remind you that I am mistress of this estate?”

“Of course not, miss.”

“I don’t need your judgment, Mr. Ren. I don’t need you, or anyone.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I can run this whole property by myself.”

“Lend a hand, then.” He held the shovel out to her.

She shot a glance at him. He was smirking. He was baiting her.

“You don’t think I could?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Very well.” She took the shovel from him and attacked the dirt with fervor. She would show him.

“No, stop. You’re doing it wrong.” Kylo grabbed the shovel to stop her. “You’re going to hurt yourself. Widen your stance.”

Rey scowled, but did as he said. He placed his hands on her shoulders and maneuvered her into the correct position. 

“There. Like this.” Kylo stepped close behind her and placed his hands over hers, adjusting her grip on the shovel. His hands completely enveloped hers. He was warm and solid.

Rey tried very hard to focus on continuing to breathe normally as Kylo guided her hands to finish the hole. He took a sapling and placed it into the ground, filling in the edges and smoothing out the dirt. Rey was frankly a little surprised none of the delicate twigs snapped under his grasp.

Working together, they planted the rest. Rey brushed the dirt from her hands and stepped back to admire it. A row of fresh green, quivering in the wind, almost as if excited to blossom and grow.

“Do you like it?” Kylo asked her.

“Yes. Very much.” Rey smiled a little. “There wasn’t much green where I grew up. Not much of anything growing. This...this is nice.”

She could tell he was still curious about her past, but he seemed willing to let the question go, at least for today. “I’m glad you’re happy with it, miss,” he said finally, his voice soft.

“Thank you, Mr. Ren. I enjoyed spending some time with you.” She shook his hand and quickly walked back towards the house. 

For the rest of the day, her skin craved to touch him again, and yet she felt like she would break into pieces if she spent any more time with him.


	3. The Baron

As soon as Kylo saw the carriage, he hated it.

It was sleek and dark, lined with gold. It reeked of pretentious wealth. He immediately hated its passenger when he stepped out too.

It was a skinny man, so pale Kylo questioned if he had ever been in the sun for more than five minutes. He was dressed in a long black coat, relatively simple but clearly very expensive. The man sneered at Kylo, taking in his sweaty face and dirt-smudged hands. Kylo glared back. Turning sharply, the man marched towards the house.

Ognard welcomed him and, learning that he was there to speak with Rey, brought him to her study. “This is Lord Armitage Hux, Baron of Arkanis,” Ognard introduced to Rey. Hux swept off his hat, revealing a slick of bright red hair, and smiled with no warmth. 

Rey returned the false smile. “Welcome, Lord Hux. What brings you to Takodana?”

He took his sweet time answering. He strode leisurely around the room, running his finger along the spines of the books on the shelves, occasionally picking up a trinket, considering it, and then setting it back down. Finally, he simply perched himself on a chair without asking permission, studying her strangely. Rey felt a strange chill. “Who are you, Miss Nemo?” he finally asked.

Rey blinked in surprise. “Well, you clearly know my name already.”

“Ah, but names often are not enough, are they?” Hux smiled unpleasantly. “I am merely questioning how someone  _ like you  _ could have inherited this estate.”

She didn’t like how he said that. Heat rose to her cheeks. “Lord Skywalker left it to me. I can show you his will if you wish to see it.”

“There’s no need. I’ve studied the legal documents far more than you have, miss. I know what Lord Skywalker’s will states. But I do not know  _ why. _ ”

“What do you mean, why?” Rey demanded.

Hux leaned towards her, glaring at her now. “How did an orphaned street rat inherit a house owned by the great House of Organa?” he demanded, slow and dangerous.

Rey’s heart dropped into her stomach. “How dare you!” she hissed.

“Is the truth insulting?” Hux sneered. “Oh yes, I know all about you. You may be able to spin a web of deception for everyone else, but not me. I have eyes and ears in many places.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am I?” Hux was suddenly ferocious. “Where is your family from? What is your father’s name? Who is your nearest noble relation? What would your dowry be?”

Rey’s face burned as she felt like her insides were shriveling. She searched desperately for something, anything to throw back, but there was nothing. Hux took her silence as victory and turned away gloatingly.

“Why do you care?” Rey spat. “Why are you so concerned with who this house belongs to?”

“Because it belongs to me,” Hux snarled. “I am a cousin of House Organa, next in line to inherit Takodana, until  _ you  _ stole it from me. I need property, after...recent events.” He shifted his stance, and suddenly Rey could see the symbol emblazoned on the armband he wore. A hexagon with spines pointed inward, like a gaping maw.

“Traitor,” Rey whispered. That was the symbol of Snoke, an old aristocrat whose ambitions had gone too far and attempted to violently take the throne for himself, before Duchess Leia Organa herself had organized the military in opposition.

“No. I was merely a foot soldier. I have been pardoned by amnesty laws. Still, the victors are rarely kind to the defeated.” His smile filled in what he didn’t say.  _ And I am still dangerous, should you cross me. _

“I will make this easy for you, Miss Nemo,” Hux said. “You have two simple options. Pass the estate to me, and we can quietly go our separate ways. If you do not, I shall be forced to expose your deception. You will be cast out from society and you will wish you never crawled out of the sewer you were born in. I gain the house either way. It’s your decision.”

Rey trembled with hatred. It was taking all of her willpower to not leap forward and wring his scrawny neck.

“I shall be generous.” Hux spread his arms. “Take the winter to decide. Put your affairs in order. But come next spring, should I find you remaining in my house, you will be very sorry indeed.” With one last cruel sneer, Hux strode away.

Rey collapsed into a chair. It was as if her fury at Hux had been the only thing keeping her upright, and now that her target was gone, she simply deflated. Hot tears of frustration pricked at her eyes. A horrible feeling was crawling up her throat, and everything felt like it was crumbling around her. She wanted nothing more than to return to mere moments earlier, before a stranger had simply, casually walked into her life and blown it to pieces.

“Uh. Are you okay?” Kylo was in the doorway.

She hurriedly wiped away her tears and hoped her face wasn’t as red and blotchy as it felt. “Of course. Did you need something, Mr. Ren?”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you…” He frowned, stepping towards her. “You’re definitely not okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She tried to smile.

“You know, you’re a terrible liar.” 

“Thank you for the reminder,” she grumbled under her breath.

He sat down next to her. “Did that guy who just visited do something?”

“No.” Rey tried to calm her breathing. She grabbed whatever was closest to her, a stack of letters, and busied herself with opening them, pretending everything was normal. “Lord Hux just wanted to, ah, welcome me. He’s a neighbor.”

“Haven’t you lived here for a year now?”

“He was...busy,” she tried. Kylo obviously still didn’t believe her.

“Listen, you don’t have to—“

“Stop!” Rey’s mind was spinning and her hands were trembling. She had read the same line of words several times. “Everything is fine. Really. I just...need some time…”

“Rey.” Kylo leaned towards her. Concern filled his eyes.

“I’m fine!” Losing her patience, Rey crumpled up the letter she was reading and threw it at him. She buried her face in her hands, trying to rub away the growing stabbing pain between her eyes. She heard Kylo catch the paper ball and unfurl it. “What is it?” she mumbled.

“Uh. An invitation. To a ball.”

“A ball?” Music and dancing were the last things Rey needed right now. She needed space, she needed time, she needed to figure out some way out of this mess….

“Yeah. Poe Dameron’s throwing it. Next Tuesday. At his estate, Yavin.” Kylo slid the invitation towards her. “Maybe it would be good for you. It could help you take your mind off of...whatever it is you won’t tell me about.”

A ball. Rey glanced at him, tapping her fingers against her temple. “You think I should go?”

Kylo shrugged. “Probably.”

“Are you asking me?”

His eyes widened. “What? No. I meant--”

“Too late, Mr. Ren. If I’m going, you’re coming with me. You wouldn’t want me to show up alone, would you?”

Kylo started to protest, and despite worries that now weighed on her, Rey couldn’t help smirking a little. “It’ll be good for you.”


	4. Dances and Duels

“This feels strange.”

“Yes,” Rey agreed. “Very strange.”

They stood in a corner of the ballroom, rather awkwardly, as guests whirled around them, dancing and laughing. Dameron certainly knew how to throw a party. The room was lavishly decorated, and food and drink was overflowing. It was very warm, despite the crisp chill of a winter night settling in outside.

But Rey almost felt as if she was watching all of this from behind a glass wall. She didn’t fit in here. She wasn’t like these people, rich and without a care in the world. The past that she had tried so carefully to keep concealed still felt like it stalked her like a shadowy phantom.

Plus, she doubted that any of these ladies had brought their groundskeeper as their date.

Rey glanced at Kylo. He appeared to be as uncomfortable as she was, which was a small, selfish comfort. She wondered if this was his first time at a ball as well.

“We probably shouldn’t just stand here all night,” she finally whispered.

“Probably.”

She glanced at him. “You know, typically then the man would ask his pretty date to dance with him.”

“Oh. Right.” Kylo’s face colored slightly. “May I, ah, have this dance?”

He was cute when he blushed like that. “You may.” She took his hand, but suddenly hesitated. “Wait. I don’t know how to dance.”

“Did your governess not teach you?”

“Um. She was busy teaching me other things.”

“Well, it’ll be fine. Just follow my lead.”

Rey scowled. “Where did  _ you  _ learn how to dance?”

“Uh, here and there,” Kylo answered weakly.

He pulled her towards the center of the room as the orchestra started to strike up a lively tune. Two lines quickly formed; the ladies on one side, gentlemen on the other.

“It’s a country dance,” Kylo explained as he turned to face her. “Shouldn’t be too hard to pick up.”

It started before Rey was ready, and suddenly she was pushed along by the women around her, trying to match her steps to theirs. Her face flushed red as she struggled to keep up with the swift beat, feeling about as graceful as an elephant. As she twirled seconds after everyone else, she caught a glimpse of Kylo, smirking slightly. Jerk.

But he moved smoothly with the others, as if he had been born to do this. Not what she expected from a groundskeeper. Subconsciously she started copying his movements, stepping when he did, breathing when he did. She let herself melt into the music, flowing with Kylo into one person.

“Having fun?” he whispered to her as they met in the middle of the room, linking arms and turning around each other.

Rey hadn’t noticed when she had started laughing, but her cheeks were sore. Her worries seemed far away among the glimmering candlelight and mingling mirth of the crowd. “Yes. I suppose I am.”

“I’m glad.” His reply was almost inaudible as the music reached its climax and the dance ended. The other dancers broke apart from each other, cheering and clapping. But Kylo didn’t move away from her. His dark eyes remained fixed on her, with a strange expression, his fingers still lightly touching hers. Rey found herself frozen in place as well.

After a few breathless moments, Rey finally managed to tear herself away from him and step back. Her heart was pounding, but she had a feeling it wasn’t from the dancing. “Thank you, Mr. Ren. That was...I greatly enjoyed that.” 

She started to move back towards the edges of the room, feeling strange and jittery, but the orchestra started again. A slower, sweeping piece. A waltz.

“May I have this dance as well, milady?” Kylo extended his hand towards her.

Feeling a little light-headed, and like she’d dance with him anytime he asked, Rey took his hand. His other hand slid around her waist, strong and warm. Her breath caught as he pulled her closer to him. What little space that remained between them felt absolutely electric.

She placed her other hand on his shoulder, and suddenly they were moving together again, like one person. Rey didn’t understand what it was about Kylo, but he felt like he was another half of her. A piece of her she didn’t even know was missing until now.

She stepped and spun, her heart beating with his. Rey felt like she was floating off of the ground, like she was in a dream. She relished the feeling of his hands on her as he guided her through the movements, letting the music fill them both. His eyes remained locked on her, like she was the only thing in the world. And everything else fell away. 

After an eternity that ended too soon, the music faded away. Kylo and Rey glided to a stop, but still held each other. His gaze, those eyes that made her knees weak, remained only on her. He was so close, but Rey still hated any distance that remained between them. Her eyes flicked to his lips, and almost instinctively, she leaned towards him…

Kylo cleared his throat and stepped back. “Milady,” he murmured, bowing.

Rey drew in a shaky breath, feeling very warm and strangely hollow inside. She dipped into a curtsy, staring determinedly at the ground, her mind spinning.

“I’m going to...I’m going to go get some fresh air,” she muttered, quickly turning away from him and walking away. Something was welling up in her throat, and she didn’t want to be around him if it spilled out.

The cold night air felt heavenly on her feverish skin. Rey stood alone in the darkness just outside the door, barely seeing or hearing the candlelight and chatter of the ball as it continued like normal. She took several deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart, telling herself that it was nothing, there was never anything, she was just being ridiculous.

“Ah, Miss Nemo. How lucky that we meet again.” That was the last voice she wanted to hear right now.

Rey clenched her fists, trying to make sure she wouldn’t strangle him. “I have to do nothing for you yet, Hux.”

“Of course, of course.” Hux stepped out of the shadows, wearing his typical, irritatingly smug sneer. “I came here simply to enjoy a ball, same as you.”

“Then leave me alone,” Rey spat.

Hux clucked his tongue in mock disapproval. “Is that any way to speak to your superior?”

“You are  _ not _ my superior,” Rey hissed.

“Oh, but I am. You are  _ nothing.” _

Burning with indignation, she started to turn away, but Hux grabbed her arm and forced her to face him. “You are nothing,” he snarled, so close she could feel his breath. “And you will always be nothing.”

A sharp crack sounded, and Hux abruptly let go and stumbled away from her, clutching his jaw. A thin trail of blood trickled down his face. Kylo strode forward, rubbing his knuckles. “Stay away from her,” he growled, voice laden with quiet fury.

_ “How dare you!”  _ With his hair disheveled, crimson streaked across his face, carefully groomed image now scuffed, Hux appeared terrifying. “You would strike a member of the peerage?”

“I don’t care who you are. Don’t touch her.”

Hux’s eyes narrowed, and there was a flash of recognition. He turned towards Rey and barked a harsh laugh. “The groundskeeper? You brought your groundskeeper with you? And I thought you could disgrace us no more.”

Rey placed her hand on Kylo’s arm and started to pull him away. The other party guests were starting to notice the scene and gather in a crowd of spectators. “It’s time for you to leave, Hux.”

“Leaving so soon?” Hux called. “I want retribution.”

Kylo glared at him with renewed anger. “Retribution? You’re the one who insulted Rey.”

Hux bared his blood-stained teeth in a cruel smile. “A question of honor, is it then?”

“I suppose it is.”

“There’s only one way to settle a question of honor.”

“Kylo, no.” But he wasn’t listening to her.

“Tomorrow. Dawn. Starkiller Field. I’ll see you there,” Hux declared. He disappeared into the night, leaving Rey with a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. 


	5. Confessions

“This is ridiculous.”

“I have to, Rey.” Kylo didn’t meet her eyes. “I’ve already accepted his challenge.”

“So what?” she demanded.

“So if I don’t show up, I’ll look like a…”

“A coward?”

“Yes.”

Rey groaned. “Men and their stupid pride. Who cares what Hux thinks of you?”

“It’s not just Hux. My reputation is on the line now.”

Rey crossed her arms and glared at him.

“You know, I’m doing this in your defense,” Kylo said.

“I don’t want you to defend me!” Rey replied, exasperated. “I want you to...to…”

“To what?”

Rey’s voice softened. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Kylo.”

“I won’t.” He wasn’t very convincing.

Rey sighed. “At least use my pistol.”

He blinked in surprise. “You have a pistol?”

“Well, I inherited it from Lord Skywalker. Never touched the thing, but you might as well have it.” A strange expression came over Kylo’s face, but he didn’t refuse. Ognard retrieved the mahogany box, and Rey opened it. Kylo gingerly lifted the pistol out, as if it were something fragile that might crumble in his hands. Yet it truly was beautiful, with its smooth black handle and gleaming silver barrel.

Kylo studied it for a few moments, traced the intricate engravings. Rey tried to read his expression, but it was dark and guarded. She thought she saw a flash of pain in his eyes, for some reason. But finally he simply quietly thanked her.

“Just come back, okay?” Rey hoped he didn’t see the tears starting to form at the corners of her eyes. “I don’t want to lose you. And if you can...maybe blood doesn’t need to be spilled today.”

He nodded. “Okay.” Kylo stood and looked out the window. The darkness was starting to fade from the sky, and the horizon was streaked with pink. “I think it’s time for me to go.”

“Wait,” Rey called after him, as he opened the door. He looked back at her. She forced out the question that had been plaguing her since last night. She was a little scared she might not get another chance to ask it. “Why did you accept Hux’s challenge?”

“I told you. He insulted you.”

“Yes, but why do you care? I’m just your employer, or….”

He was silent for a long moment. “I suppose the same reason why you don’t want to see me get hurt.” The door closed behind him.

* * *

“I was beginning to wonder if you would show.”

“Shut it, Hux. Let’s get this over with.”

“Of course. I trust even a lowly groundskeeper knows the etiquette of a duel?” 

“Yes,” Kylo growled. Ten paces, turn and fire. Life or death decided by speed, aim, and stupid luck.

“Then let us begin.”

They approached each other and turned back to back, marching away from each other. Ten paces. Kylo counted silently.

_ One. _

The handle of Luke’s pistol was slick with sweat in his palm. He suddenly wished he wasn’t carrying this terribly familiar weapon.

_ Two.  _

He wondered if he was marching towards his final moments. He wondered if he could face the bullet if it came.

_ Three. _

He wondered if anyone would mourn him. He doubted it.

_ Four.  _

Perhaps after so many dark despairing nights, this would be the end.

_ Five. _

But he had promised Rey.

_ Six. _

Would he take aim, then? Would he see another life extinguished by his hand?

_ Seven. _

He thought enough hatred certainly burned inside of him to do it.

_ Eight. _

But he didn’t think he could bear it if she looked at him the way everyone else did.

_ Nine.  _

So that was it then. Every option was bad. Story of his life. He might as well let fate toss its lots.

_ Ten. _

Kylo turned. In the burning light of the new sun, he saw Hux turn as well, fury etched into his face. Kylo turned his face towards the pale sky and felt the weak warmth of the morning. He raised his pistol towards the clear blue.

Shattering agony erupted across his side. The world turned over. Darkness swallowed him.

* * *

He had to still be alive, because dying couldn’t hurt this much. His body felt like it had been trampled by several horses. His head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. Every labored breath sent a stabbing pain through his abdomen.

Kylo tried to open his eyes, but everything was wobbling and spinning unsteadily. He squeezed his eyes shut again. 

“Are you awake?”

Kylo tried again. He focused on the person sitting at his bedside, and everything became a little more clear.

“Yeah,” he managed to mumble. He winced at the pain of even saying the briefest word.

Relief washed over Rey’s face. “Good. That’s...I was getting a little worried.”

“How long…”

“It’s nighttime. You’ve been unconscious for hours,” Rey told him. “The doctor left already. Fortunately, Hux doesn’t seem to be a very good shot. The bullet passed through your side and just cracked a rib. No damage to major organs. You’ll make a full recovery.”

Kylo nodded, even though he could barely focus on her words. Just having her near him was all he really needed right then. After a few moments, he managed to regain enough strength to lift his head and look around himself. “Am I...in your bed?” In the course of his responsibilities as groundskeeper, he’d never had the need to enter Rey’s private quarters.

“Well, where else was I supposed to bring you?”

He stared at her. “I’m getting blood on your sheets,” he mumbled, somewhat stupidly.

Rey laughed softly and brushed a strand of hair from his face. “I don’t care, Kylo.”

He frowned, still trying to piece together the events of the day. “You...went and found me?”

“Did you think I was going to let you bleed out on the ground there?”

“I s’pose,” he mumbled. “People don’t...usually come back.”

She placed her hand over his. “Well, I did. I mean, you went and got shot for me.” She laughed softly. “Coming for you was the least I could do.”

Rey simply held his gaze for a moment, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles in a calming, circular motion. “I didn’t properly thank you this morning,” she said. “I was...well, I was angry about the duel. But thank you. You put your life on the line for me.”

“Of course,” Kylo said softly. “I couldn’t bear Hux lying about you like that.”

“Right.” Her heart sank into her stomach. “Well, he wasn’t exactly lying,” she mumbled.

Kylo looked at her. “What do you mean?”

Rey felt like her throat was constricting. She’d never told anyone. But Kylo was ready to die to defend her reputation...a reputation he didn’t even know was a sham. In the low candlelight, staring into those deep, dark eyes, she could hold back the truth no longer.

“Hux wasn’t lying,” she said softly. “He was right. I am a fraud.” Tears started to sting her eyes.

Kylo started to say something, but she held up a hand to stop him. If she didn’t tell the truth now, she feared she would lose her nerve.

“He was right about all of it. I am an orphan. A nobody. I grew up on the streets, pickpocketing to survive.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Then how…”

“The act started early. I didn’t want to be a beggar forever. I would steal a dress, sneak into the parties of the rich, pretend I belonged. Pretend they wouldn’t turn away in disgust if they knew who I really was.”

“You made up a fake name for yourself.”

“Yes.” Rey smiled. “I thought I was being clever, but you saw right through that.”

Kylo would’ve laughed if it didn’t set his ribs on fire.

“One night, I snuck into a ball at this very house,” Rey continued. “I met Lord Skywalker, and he figured out the truth pretty quickly.” A shadow passed over Kylo’s face at the mention of the name. “He wasn’t angry with me, though. He took a liking to me instead.”

“Is that why…”

“Yeah. I had to prove to him I deserved it, but he wrote me into his will. He knew he was getting along in years, and he had no one to choose as an heir. He certainly didn’t want his possessions to pass to the next in line, that weasel Hux.” Kylo snorted, and Rey cracked a smile. “Skywalker’s words, not mine.”

Kylo thought about it, the pieces starting to fall in place in his mind. “So when Hux visited…”

Rey nodded. “He found out. I don’t know how he did, but he did.”

“He wants the house, doesn’t he?”

“He wants everything I have.” The frustration of the past week crashed over her again. Tears wet her cheeks as she again faced the impossible trap Hux had constructed around her, like she was being boxed in on all sides. She had no way out, and she felt like she was drowning. “I don’t know…”

“Hey, hey.” Kylo managed to muster up enough strength to reach up and brush her cheek. “It’ll be alright. We’ll figure something out.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered. “You risked your life for a lie.”

“No.” He gripped her hand with surprising strength. “I don’t regret anything I did. Hux still shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

“Thank you.” Her voice trembled. “I just...I’m about to lose everything.” Suddenly, tears were streaming down her face. Rey felt embarrassed that her mask of strength broke down so completely in front of him, but something about his presence was simply comforting, and she had been stretched to her breaking point. She felt like her soul had been bared before him already, and there was nothing left to hide. Rey collapsed over his chest, her tears staining his bandages.

Kylo simply stroked her hair and whispered into it. All the despair and anger that had been bottled up inside her flowed out until she was spent. Until she could feel nothing and wanted to feel nothing except for his strong arms around her, holding her. She clutched him tightly and never wanted to let go.

When Rey woke, the candles had burned out and sunlight was streaming through the drapes. She was lying in bed next to Kylo, and his arms were still entangled around her. She watched him sleep silently for a moment. He seemed so peaceful. Rey nestled closer to him and hoped she could find some of that peace too.

* * *

Kylo healed slowly. Rey was there by his side the whole time. She kept him company while he was confined to the bed, having quiet, intimate conversations until late at night. He tried to return her bed to her, but she didn’t mind having his warmth beside her as she slept.

She helped him learn to walk again, holding his elbow as he hobbled along with a cane. Ready to catch him if he fell. She held him steady.

After several weeks, Kylo was finally able to walk without help, with only a hint of a limp. Rey grinned. “You’ve made so much progress.”

He returned the smile. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”

Rey’s smile slowly faded. She had promised herself she would do it when he fully recovered.

Kylo noticed. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Maybe.” Rey took a breath. “I need to...ask you to do something.”

“Of course. What is it?”

She didn’t look at him. It already hurt too much. Her heart clenched. “I need to ask you to leave.”

“What?”

“You are no longer under my employment, Mr. Ren.”

His face shattered. “Why?”

“I can’t...I can’t have you around anymore.” Rey took in a shuddering breath. “Those things I told you about me...I shouldn’t have done that.”

His eyes searched her desperately for something that would make all of this make sense. “You don’t trust me?”

“No, I do, I just…” Why was speaking to him so hard? “With Hux after me, I can’t have any loose ends.”

“Loose ends.” Is that what he was? A liability. “Rey, I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“I know, I just…” She couldn’t risk it. Something about him broke down her walls, and she had clawed her way too high to risk getting soft now. Tears carved their way down her face. “Please just go,” she whispered.

“Rey…”

“Go!” She turned away from him, pressing her hand to her burning eyes. “Just go.”

She curled into a chair and sat there for a long time, long after the door had quietly closed behind Kylo. Silent sobs shook her shoulders as everything cracked apart inside of her. He was gone.


	6. Across the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a lot of fun with rose's characterization in this chapter so she's somewhat ooc

“The books you requested, madam.”

Rey looked up at Ognard, suddenly yanked out of her thoughts. “Oh. Right. Yes. Thank you.”

He placed the stack of thick tomes on her desk and moved to leave, but hesitated at the door. “Are you sure you’re alright, madam? You’ve seemed...distracted of late.”

“I’m fine.” Rey smiled and hoped the absolute hollowness inside of her didn’t show. “Thank you.”

“Very well. I hope you find what you’re looking for, madam.” The door shut quietly behind him.

Rey picked up one of the books and half-heartedly flipped through it. Walls and walls of impenetrable, legal jargon. Nothing that she hadn’t already seen. Her hope that some obscure loophole of inheritance laws lay just on the next page was quickly waning. She had no way out. The laws were clear: she was trespassing where she didn’t belong. Lawns and houses weren’t meant for people like her.

To legitimize her claim, she’d have to enter a whole other social class. But the circumstances of her birth were an immovable obstacle. The only other way was marrying into the nobility. She’d chased that thread, but it had led her down genealogies into a dead end. The only nobility in the area was the House of Organa. Leia Organa, Duchess of Alderaan. Her late husband, Duke Han Solo. Her late brother, Lord Luke Skywalker. And then her son. Benjamin Solo. Disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Presumed dead.

Rey didn’t know why, but she was strangely curious about Ben Solo. How did the son of the duchess just...vanish? She scoured for information about him, but details about his life were sparse, and his disappearance even sparser. It was as if he had just been forgotten. Nevertheless, clearly Rey couldn’t marry the ghost of the boy. And if anything else was clear, House Organa had suffered much tragedy in recent years.

The only other member of the peerage other than Leia’s immediate family was Hux. And Rey would sooner die than marry him.

So she continued to search fruitlessly for something, anything, that could help her fend off Hux and keep Takodana. When her eyes glazed over and her head started to hurt, she would stare out the window at the darkening evening sky. The small row of saplings Kylo planted, shivering in the wind. He inevitably captured her thoughts.

She missed him. She tried to deny it, but she felt his absence in her life so painfully sharply. It was as if he had left negative space, a void. She ached to see those dark eyes again and the hint of a smile he would get. She longed to feel his hands on her again. During long, lonely nights, she palpably felt the cold emptiness around her. She would reach out in bed and find no one beside her.

Rey had done what she needed to. This was for the best. She would get over it. The memories would fade into simple recollections, and he would be nothing more than an acquaintance she had for a couple months. At least that’s what she tried to convince herself of, when she rested her head on the cool glass of the window and gazed up at the stars, wondering if he was looking at those same glittering constellations. Wondering if he hurt as much as she did.

She never quite succeeded in believing herself.

* * *

The rain fell in cold, heavy sheets. It soaked through Kylo’s coat and made his hair slick and flattened. He trudged through the muddy streets, heading for nowhere in particular. Just like before.

A short woman suddenly collided with him. “Sorry,” she quickly mumbled. She pulled her hat down and disappeared into the shadows as quickly as she had appeared.

Odd. Why would anyone else be out in this awful weather? He supposed the stranger types in the city emerged at this time of night. Suddenly, he realized the pouch that contained the last of his wages was missing.

“Hey!” He whirled around and caught her at the edge of the pool of weak light cast by the nearest streetlight. “Stop!” He caught a glimpse of sharp eyes, and she vanished into the dark.

Kylo sprinted after her, splashing through muddy puddles. That was all he had to survive on until he could find another job. But she was irritatingly fast and agile. The thief nimbly leapt over piles of discarded boxes and cut through alleyways, always keeping one step ahead of Kylo.

He raced after her, quickly running out of breath. Her lead was steadily growing. But luck was on his side. She turned into a dead end, an alley blocked halfway by an iron gate. Yet just as he was about to catch up to her, the thief grabbed the gate and vaulted cleanly over. Kylo grasped empty air and tripped, skidding into the mud. She landed like a cat on the other side and started to leisurely walk away. The chase was over.

“Please, stop,” Kylo begged. “I lost my job. That’s...that’s all I have left.”

The thief hesitated. She turned, and in the faint light Kylo again saw her dark, piercing eyes. “How do I know you’re not lying? Just trying to make me go soft?”

“I’m not. I swear I’m not.”

“Mmhmm.” She approached and crouched in front of him, where he still lay on the soggy ground. She had a round face that would have seemed naturally friendly if it weren’t for the scowl she wore. “No, you’re not. I know what desperation looks like.”

She pushed the pouch roughly through the bars into his chest. The thief stood and unlatched the gate, then grabbed Kylo’s shirt and pulled him to his feet. “Come on.” Without waiting to see if he followed, she turned and started walking.

Kylo went with her. He didn’t have anywhere else to go.

She moved through the winding streets with the practiced air of someone who knew her territory well. They walked in silence into the seedier parts of the city, where the windows were shattered and the streetlights were unlit. Finally, they reached their destination. A sunken street completely covered in haphazardly built tents, stacked on top of each other in some fragile version of buildings. Kylo noticed at least fifty people, from small children to the elderly, grimy and huddled around burning garbage, trying to keep warm. They glanced at him with sullen eyes and, finding him uninteresting, proceeded to ignore him.

“Welcome to Beggar’s Canyon,” the thief grinned. “Where all the lost and downtrodden of this city end up.”

“New meat?” an old lady nearby called out. Kylo thought she had been asleep.

“Yup.” The thief patted Kylo on the back and started picking her way between sleeping forms deeper into the alley.

“Wait, so what is this place?” Kylo asked, hurrying to catch up. 

“I told you. Beggar’s Canyon. A lot of the poor and homeless make their way here. We take care of each other.” She turned to look at him. “That sound like a place you need?”

He certainly was poor, homeless, and newly unemployed. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Perfect. You’ll fit right in. What’s your name, newbie?”

“Kylo Ren.”

“Welcome, Kylo Ren.”

“Do I get to know your name?”

“Rose Tico.” She sat on a tablecloth slung between two splintered, discarded chairs, which formed a sort of hammock. “I run this place.”

“In your dreams,” the old lady from earlier laughed, all without opening her eyes or giving any indication she was awake.

“Maz thinks she’s in charge, but I am,” Rose said.

“What do you do, exactly?”

“Steal things. Share it with everyone else.” Rose kicked back in the hammock and managed to scrounge up a branch of half rotten grapes, popping one into her mouth. “Clearly, we live in luxury.”

“Clearly.”

“Sorry about earlier. I usually try to target only the rich, but winter’s always slim pickings. And you’re dressed better than most.”

Kylo looked down at the clothes from Takodana he still wore, though they were torn and sodden now.

“So.” Rose spat out a grape seed. “Lost a job, huh? Who’s the bastard who fired you?”

“She’s not a bastard.”

“No?” Rose scowled. “She fire you to be nice, then?”

“It’s...complicated.”

“Alright then. Where did you complicatedly get fired from?”

Kylo sighed. With the wound still fresh, thinking about Rey was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

“If you wanna be all quiet and antisocial, this night is going to be very long,” Rose grumbled.

“Fine. Takodana. I worked at Takodana.”

Rose sat straight up. “You worked for Rey?”

“Uh, yeah.” Kylo frowned. “Do you know her?”

“Um. Heard of her,” Rose mumbled. “So what, you were her valet? Shoeshiner?”

“Groundskeeper.”

“Groundskeeper.” Rose squashed a grape between her fingers. “She’s living large, then? Hundreds of servants?”

“Uh, no. Just a couple, really. She paid us well.”

Rose snorted. “Typical.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed. “Sorry, are you...angry at her?”

Rose smiled insincerely. “Why would I be angry?”

Maz cackled. “They grew up together, of course she’s angry.”

“Shut up!” Rose shouted.

“You grew up together?” Kylo asked.

Rose sighed and fell silent for a moment, picking at her fingernails. “Yeah. We were both orphans, we both found our way here, we were inseparable friends. Stole stuff together, broke shit together, ran these streets.”

“Sounds like you two aren’t friends anymore.”

She rubbed her forehead, old memories coming back. “Rey...she was never satisfied with a life here. She knew she deserved more. I hated the rich but...I guess she envied them.”

Kylo thought about what Rey had told him about her, how she had managed to convince Luke to let her inherit his property. “I’m guessing you feel like she abandoned you.”

Rose laughed callously, gesturing around her. “What is there to abandon? Who wouldn’t trade rags and alleyways for ballgowns and butlers? Everyone here has dreamed of it. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t. She’s just...the one who actually made it.”

“But it still stings, doesn’t it?” He knew what that felt like.

Rose glared at him. “You’re annoyingly perceptive. But yes. I thought we were family, but…” She sighed. “I suppose I’m too hard on her. We’re all just trying to survive. I can’t fault Rey for making sure that she does.”

She finished her last grape and tossed the skeletal remains of the bunch into a puddle. “She hasn’t really abandoned us. If the kids here get too hungry, they know the pantry door at Takodana is always unlocked at night.”

Kylo nodded. So those were the sounds he had heard during the night.

Rose stood and brushed herself off. “Get some rest, Kylo Ren. I’ll start teaching you to survive in the morning.”

“I know how to survive.”

“No. You’ve clearly been through some stuff. But these streets are harsh.” She tossed his pouch of money at his stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

He glanced down at it, confused. “Wait, you already gave this back to me. When did you…”

Rose smirked. “Sweet dreams.” She stalked off into the darkness.

Kylo laid back on the ragged blankets, but he couldn’t sleep. There were rows and rows of tiny scratch marks etched into the wall next to him. Somehow, he knew Rey had left them. His thoughts drifted to her, grappling with everything Rose had said. Rey’s incredible ambition and determination, dragging herself out of the mud. And yet she had not lost her compassion, either. He’d always seen it in her, but now there was no doubt. She was the strongest person he had ever met.

The rain slowed to a drizzle and finally stopped. The storm clouds cleared away, revealing the glittering expanse of stars in the night sky. Kylo gazed up at them and knew they shone down on her too.


	7. More Confessions

“Oh my, Miss Nemo. You look simply dazzling tonight.” He dramatically swept up her hand and pressed a kiss into it.

Rey gave him a pained smile. “Thank you, Mr. Dameron. You are...as charming as always.”

He grinned at her, a little unsteadily. She could already smell alcohol on his breath. “Did you bring anyone with you tonight? What about that, ah, grumpy, sour-faced man you went to the ball at Hosnia with?”

The sudden reminder of Kylo pierced her heart, but she was careful not to show it. “No. He did not join me today.”

Dameron chuckled and took another swig of punch from his glass. “Honestly, I think you’ll have a better time without him. What a killjoy. Crazy thing he did at the end of that ball too...attacking the baron like that.”

“Yes. Crazy,” Rey said tightly. She was getting rather annoyed with him now.

“Anyway, if you have no one to keep you company tonight, perhaps I could.” He stepped closer to her, still wearing that lopsided smirk he clearly believed was charming. “Would you dance with me?”

“Thank you, but I’m fine. Why don’t you go and flirt with some of your other admirers?” Rey nodded towards the gaggle of giggling girls that always seemed to follow in handsome Poe Dameron’s wake. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, Rey quickly slipped away through the crowd. 

She was already regretting coming to this ball. She had hoped to find some powerful allies against Hux, perhaps even Duchess Leia Organa herself. But even at a ball hosted at Alderaan, the hostess was nowhere to be found.

Making sure that Dameron was still distracted meant not looking where she was going, which ended up with her bumping into a server and getting wine spilled over herself.

“Terribly sorry, ma’am,” he said, quickly reaching out to wipe off her gown. But his voice and touch was achingly familiar.

“Kylo,” she whispered, looking up into his dark eyes. 

“Rey.” He froze, his fingers gently brushing her hand.

Her heart pounded and her throat was suddenly dry. “What...what are you doing here?”

“I, ah…” He seemed unable to say anything or take his eyes off her.

Rey realized two of his fingers were lightly hooked around a ring she was wearing, almost completely sliding it off. If she had been distracted by something like a wine spill, or if she didn’t have the heightened senses of someone who grew up on the streets, she might not have noticed until he was long gone.

“The Canto Bight sleight,” she recognized. She couldn’t help smiling at the sudden memory of her and Rose teaching each other pickpocketing tricks. “You fell in with Rose then, huh? How is she?”

He smiled back, a little sheepishly. “She’s doing well.”

Rey laughed softly and looked around at the extravagant ballroom. “This was always our dream. The biggest heist we could imagine. Sneaking into the great Alderaan, under the nose of the duchess herself, and carrying off riches and jewels. We never could have pulled it off, though. The house is too big, and none of us knew how to navigate it.”

A pained look crossed Kylo’s face. “Yeah. I have a bit of experience in this house.” There it was again, that mysterious, slippery question of his past.

The conversation lapsed into a tense silence. Rey had harbored wild fantasies of finding him again and finally releasing the anguish coiling in her heart, but now that she had him before her, no words came out. Simply being near him again was somehow both exhilarating and agonizing.

Desperate to be away from his burning gaze, Rey tore her eyes away from him. Oh no. Dameron was weaving his way through the crowd towards her again.

“If you know the house well,” she whispered, “where’s the nearest escape?”

Kylo shot a nervous glance over his shoulder as well. At...Leia? She had finally appeared, dressed majestically and with grey hair elegantly coiffed. “Yeah, I might need an escape too.”

He took her arm and steered her through the crowd quickly. Within a few minutes, they were in a nearby darkened sitting room. Kylo almost completely closed the door, leaving only a sliver of light.

Rey managed to find a half melted candle left nearby and lit it, exhaling in relief. She raised the candle, letting its flickering light weakly illuminate the room. 

An expansive portrait was mounted on the far wall. Rey drew closer to it, studying the lifelike painted faces. Leia Organa was in the center, her hair dark brown and her face not as lined, but definitely her. Seated next to her must be her late husband, Han Solo. The artist had captured a hint of his roguish grin. And then the young man who stood behind them, his face already serious, but with big ears and dark hair that stuck up a little in the back like his father. Rey looked into the eyes of long lost Ben Solo, still piercing despite layers of paint and age, and felt like she was falling into them the same way she felt when she saw them for the first time.

“Kylo?” Her voice trembled a little. He turned towards her and saw the portrait. His eyes became haunted again. 

Rey shook her head. It felt like the world had turned upside down. She could not have had the presumed dead heir to the most powerful family in the region working as her groundskeeper. She could not have been slowly falling in love with him. It was simply impossible. But there was no mistaking the boy in the portrait and the man before her now.

“Rey…” His voice was husky and soft. A tear trickled down his cheek. “I’m sorry for having lied for so long. I’ll explain everything. I promise.” He looked around at the darkened room, as if old ghosts haunted it. “Just not here. Please.”

Rey nodded numbly. “Okay. I’ll call the carriage. Come home with me.” 

“Of course.”

The carriage ride through the night was long and lonely. Neither of them spoke a word. Rey could feel him beside her, and she longed to reach out towards him, to have him hold her and help her make sense of everything. But she simply couldn’t.

Finally, they were back in Rey’s study at Takodana. Where they first met. A fire crackled in the hearth, but it wasn’t very warming. Rey sat across from Kylo (Ben?), waiting for him to start talking.

He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t know where to start.”

Rey remembered the dark night when she told him her secrets. “Start at the beginning.”

“I...I don’t think I was a very good son. Contentious and arrogant, and probably too smart for my own good. I didn’t want to be the heir to House Organa. I wanted to be Ben. I wanted to cast my own shadow instead of carrying on my family’s. And then...the last straw was the rumors.”

“Rumors?”

“I don’t know how it started. But somehow, word got around that I was a bad child. An evil boy, who would become an evil man. My parents tried to shield me, but well...I think even Uncle Luke believed it.”

Rey stared in horror. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah. When it all got too much...I ran.”

“You ran?”

“Yes. I was nineteen. I ran, and Snoke found me.” He stared down at his hands and twisted them together. “He promised me power. The chance to make a name for myself, not one someone else had given me. And I believed him. And well, if everyone already believed I was a bad person, I might as well be one.”

Kylo sighed. “But Snoke was defeated. And I was again lost and alone, with nowhere to go. I heard that my Uncle Luke had passed and thought perhaps his house might fall to me. I thought it would be a chance at a fresh start. But then…”

“Then you found me here,” Rey finished.

“Yeah. But you offered me a blank slate. I could be Kylo Ren, just a groundskeeper, not a scion of nobility or a traitorous soldier.” He was silent for a moment, lost in remembering. “Why did you offer me a job?”

Rey still wasn’t quite sure, after all this time. “You were in need of a home,” she said finally. “I could see that. I know what that’s like.”

He nodded and finally looked her in the eye. The anguish was still there, but there was a hint of steely resolve now. “Well, there you have it. The truth. I am Ben Solo.”

“Ben.” Rey’s tongue formed the syllable. It was still unfamiliar, but it felt right, in a strange way. But there was a part of his story that still didn’t make sense to her. “Why didn’t you return to Alderaan?”

Ben laughed bitterly. “Do you think my mother would welcome back a son who joined the coup she fought so hard against?”

“You fell in with a bad crowd, but you don’t know that--”

“Yes. I do know.” His face burned with anger now. “You don’t know the circumstances of my father’s death, do you?”

Startled by his sudden emotion, Rey shook her head. For all the research she had done, she had never found Han Solo’s cause of death.

“It was my fault,” Ben growled. 

“No. You can’t blame yourself--”

“You weren’t there!” His voice broke. “I...I killed him. It was just supposed to be a small skirmish. We were testing how far we could push our boundaries. But somehow, Snoke arranged for my father and I to meet on the front lines. Snoke told me that killing my father would prove my loyalty.” Tears glimmered in Ben’s hard eyes. He looked down at his hands, as if they were permanently stained by blood. “So I did.”

Rey sat in stunned silence. She searched desperately for something to say, anything to counteract the awful truth of what he had just laid before her, but found nothing.

“Now you see what a monster I really am,” Ben muttered.

“I don’t think you’re a monster.”

“You should.” Ben sighed and stood, moving towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Rey quickly got to her feet as well.

“I’m leaving. I told you the truth. I don’t owe you anything anymore.”

“You came here just because you thought you owed me something?” Rey demanded indignantly.

“No.” He winced. “That came out wrong. I just meant...you deserved the truth from me. After that, I should probably get out of your life.”

“So you’re just going to leave. I thought we had…”

“What?” Ben turned towards her again. “What do we have? You don’t employ me anymore. We don’t seem like friends. So what are we?”

Rey didn’t have an answer. She didn’t know how to express the sparks in her stomach when he looked at her, or the burning in her core when he touched her, or the absolute emptiness when he left her. She didn’t know how to tell him how having him near her made the night feel not quite so bleak, and how the sun might as well have ceased to shine these past few weeks when she didn’t have him. They were something strange and distressing and frustratingly complicated.

“Goodbye, Miss Nemo. Maybe I’ll see you around.” Ben turned and disappeared into the darkness.

Rey was left alone, with only a dying fire and tears streaming down her face.


	8. Family Reunions

“Well, you look like shit.”

Ben glared at Rose. “Says the homeless thief.”

She took in his bloodshot eyes and sullen face. “You look like you didn’t sleep at all. What happened? It’s been hours since the ball ended; the sun’s rising.”

Instead of responding, Ben wordlessly pulled the cloth packet of his spoils out of his jacket and tossed it at her.

Rose picked through it. Two necklaces and five rings. “Not exactly the big heist I dreamed of.”

He flopped into a hammock. “Yeah, well something else distracted me.”

Rose plopped down next to him. “Did that something else happen to be Rey?”

He glanced at her. “How did you know?”

“Well, I’m guessing something happened. Rumors are flying all over town about her.”

Ben sat up. “Rumors?”

“Well, obviously I don’t believe them. But they’re getting crazy.”

“What are they?”

Rose scratched her head. “Uh, I think it boils down to that Rey is the granddaughter of old tyrant Palpatine. Seduced Lord Skywalker into giving her his estate. Now she’s working to reestablish her family’s dynasty.”

Ben blinked. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, well when people don’t have much information on the young new heiress who suddenly appeared, they’ll believe anything. And everyone loves a good scandal.”

He stood, all of his exhaustion suddenly gone. He’d seen firsthand how nasty even baseless rumors could be among gentry. This was surely some trick of Hux’s. He’d crafted an even nastier backstory for Rey to ruin her further.

Ben moved back towards the main street, but Rose grabbed him and pulled him back as a carriage rumbled by, nearly flattening him. “Looks like it’s heading towards Takodana,” she muttered. “I guess they’re out for blood early today.”

Rose patted his arm. “At least you’re not employed by her anymore. Hopefully you won’t get caught up in all this.”

Ben shook his head. He knew what being an outcast felt like. He’d felt the glares and sneers of punishment for a crime that never happened. He couldn’t allow Rey to bear that too. At least not alone. 

Without thinking, Ben sprinted after the carriage into the choking clouds of dust it had kicked up. He heard Rose call after him, but he didn’t care. He knew where he needed to be.

* * *

Charles Pierre Ognard the Third opened the door and nearly had a heart attack.

“Duchess!” he stammered. “Ah, pardon me, Your Grace! This is a pleasure, a pleasure indeed! My, this is unexpected! It is certainly a great honor to welcome you--”

“Thank you, sir,” Leia interrupted. “My visit will not take long. I need to speak with the mistress of the house.”

“Of course, of course madam! Right this way to the sitting room, please.” Puffed up with pride, Ognard marched into the house.

“Your Grace!” Rey shot to her feet and immediately dipped into the lowest curtsy she could manage. 

“Good morning, Miss Nemo. I simply wish to have a few words with you.”

“Of course.” Rey’s face burned. A surprise visit from Leia Organa couldn’t be good.

“There have been some rather serious accusations about you,” Leia began. “I simply wanted to hear from yourself.”

“Your Grace, I…” Rey didn’t know if she could lie to Leia’s face. “I don’t know what Hux told you, but…”

“Hux?” Leia frowned. “What does he have to do with this?”

“Was it not he who told you about me?”

“No, what I’ve heard has been merely gossip, really, but I thought it best to clear it up at the start. But if you are telling me that Hux is the source, then goodness I should not have come.”

“You don’t trust him?”

“Of course not. How could I trust one of Snoke's top generals?”

Rey’s mouth hung open in surprise before she remembered whose presence she was in and quickly closed it.  _ General  _ Hux was certainly a bit more than he had led to her to believe.

Before she could reply, the door flew open and in charged Ben, with a fussing Ognard at his heels. Ben and Leia looked at each other and both immediately turned pale.

“Oh.” Rey quickly stood. “Ah. You two will probably need a moment alone.” She hurried out of the room and dragged Ognard with her.

Ben stood near the door, as still as a statue. Leia slowly walked towards him, trembling slightly. Her expression was unreadable. She reached out towards him, and Ben flinched, expecting a slap or something. But she placed her hand gently on his cheek, as if to make sure he was real. 

“Ben,” Leia whispered. Tears glimmered in her eyes. She pulled him fiercely into a hug, holding him like he would vanish if she let go.

“Mother.” Ben’s cheeks were wet. He had missed this.

Finally, she pulled back, but still clasped his face. She looked at him like he was a miracle. “Tell me everything.”

And Ben did. He was too tired to keep any more secrets. They sat, and he let his whole sordid story unravel before her. And Leia simply listened.

When he finished, silence settled over them once again. Ben searched Leia’s face for any kind of reaction but found nothing. “I expect you hate me now,” he said finally.

“No,” Leia said softly. “No, I could never hate you. You’re my son.”

“But I…”

“You were lost, and confused, and manipulated. And I am partly to blame. I didn’t do enough for you.”

“I killed Father.”

“He wouldn’t have wanted you to hate yourself forever for it. You’re clearly repentant.”

Ben sighed and leaned back against his chair. Despite Leia’s words, the weight of guilt had hung on him so long that he almost couldn’t imagine being without it. Leia clasped his hand. “Come home. It’s been too long.”

“How can I?”

“Why not? Nobody believes those old rumors anymore. Nobody recognized how persuasive Snoke could be. You still retain all your old titles.” 

He glanced at her. “I do?” He thought he would certainly have been stripped of them after he joined Snoke.

“Of course. I’ve been waiting to welcome you back for a very long time, Ben.”

It was certainly a tempting idea. To return to Alderaan, become a duke even, reclaim all his old luxuries. Pretend like the past decade had never happened. And yet…

“I can’t,” Ben said.

Leia’s face fell. “Ben…”

“I’m sorry, Mother. I would...I’m honored that I even have the chance to. But I don’t think I belong at Alderaan anymore. I...I think I belong here.”

Understanding slowly dawned on Leia’s face. “I see.” She smiled wryly. “She’s a nice girl.”

Ben blushed. “No, that’s not what I meant—“

Leia patted his hand. “It’s alright. A mother understands. I think you two will be very happy together.” She kissed him on the forehead, ignoring Ben’s protests. “Just know that you are always welcome back at Alderaan. You can bring her too.”

Ben rolled his eyes but nodded. “I know. Thank you, Mother.”

“Of course.”

* * *

“That seems like it went well,” Rey said, coming back into the sitting room after she had seen Leia leave.

Ben was quiet. “Yes. I suppose.”

She sat next to him, and he could see that she was curious. Sighing, he told her everything.

Rey beamed at him. “That’s wonderful!” Ben groaned and sank into his chair. Rey frowned. “I feel like you should be happier.”

“I know, I am happy, I just…”

“You don’t think you deserve it,” she guessed.

“How can I?” he muttered. She could hear the notes of guilt and regret in his voice again.

“Ben, come on.” She took his hand without thinking, but he didn’t pull away. “Everyone else has forgiven you. Do you think you could forgive yourself?”

“No. I don’t know.”

“Can you at least try to start?”

He looked at her, at her bright eyes and hopeful smile. For her? “I suppose.” He squeezed her hand.

He was anxious to change the subject though, and something else had been on his mind. “Will you marry me?”

Rey jolted, whipping around to look at him. Her face was hot. “What?” she managed to choke out.

“For the estate!” Ben quickly explained, starting to turn red too. He realized he was still holding her hand and quickly untangled their fingers. “You know. Marrying a noble would let you keep the house. And I still have my titles. So I thought...if we...of course, if you want…” He had a sudden vivid mental image of Rey laughing incredulously at his stupid idea.

“Oh. For the house.” Rey felt like someone had stomped on her stomach. She tried to smile. “Yes. You would do that for me?”

“Of course. It’s the least I can do.”

He quietly took her hand again, and both secretly enjoyed it more than they would admit.


	9. Vows

Rey Nemo was beautiful. 

She had always tried to look presentable at least. But between scrapping as an orphan on the streets of the city and running the estate, she had never found the time or allowed herself to be vain. As she studied her reflection now though, her hair smoothly curled and braided and piled onto the crown of her head, crystals sparkling around her neck…

“You clean up nice.” Ben leaned on the doorframe, watching her poke and prod at her new appearance.

“Isn’t it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?” she asked.

“Well, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Since we’re not really getting married.”

“Right. Of course.” Rey tried to ignore the way his words sent a sinking feeling down to her stomach.

He came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

“You’ve been so incredibly strong through all of this. And now you’re about to end it, on your terms. You’re about to win.”

Rey scoffed. “As if you didn’t come and save the day.” After all, she couldn’t have gotten married to him without him.

“But you’re the one who found that inheritance loophole in the first place,” Ben insisted. “And even without me, I believe that you still would have found another way to keep Hux from taking the estate.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’re strong, and brilliant, and determined.” Ben laughed softly, and the sound of it made her heart flutter. “And the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

Rey allowed herself a smile. Ben’s presence was solid and comforting, like always. “Still, thank you,” she said, turning to face him. “You’ve been by my side through all of this. I’m...I’m not sure I would have survived this without you.” She wasn’t sure how to put into words how deeply she had come to depend on him, how strongly she had come to trust him, how any ordeal didn’t feel quite so bad if he was with her. “Maybe I do need someone. You.”

“No, you don’t.” Ben shook his head. “You’ve never needed anyone else. You’ve always been able to stand on your own.”

“Still,” Rey smiled. “It’s nice to have someone else to lean on. People usually leave me sooner or later. But you haven’t.”

“I won’t.” 

Rey was suddenly aware of how very close they were to each other. His hand brushed hers, and it sent a tingling jolt through her body. It was strange how even after months, these fluttery feelings had not faded. If anything, they had grown more intense. She searched his face for any indication of how he was feeling, desperate for a sign that his insides were on fire too, that his stomach churned just like hers.

The door flew open with a bang. Startled, Rey quickly moved away from Ben and watched Hux storm in, reddened with fury.

Ben shot a concerned glance towards Rey, but she nodded slightly. She would take care of this. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and stepped out the door.

“Good morning, Lord Hux.” Rey greeted Hux with a false smile. “I do not remember sending you an invitation to my wedding, but how wonderful that you were able to come anyway.”

“Drop the pleasantries,” Hux snarled, spittle flying from his mouth. “What the  _ hell  _ do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m getting married.”

“You think this changes anything?” he hissed. “You think this means you win?”

“Actually, it does.” Rey replied coldly. “I’m sure you’re aware that upon my marriage to Ben Solo, I will join him as a member of the nobility and as a duchess. I’m sure you are also aware that means I will outrank you and my claim will be legitimate, no matter what you do.”

Hux’s jaw worked furiously, trying to find some refutation. “Ben Solo is dead. Nobody has heard from him in years.”

“Oh I assure you, he is very much alive. He retains all his titles. And we will be wed.”

“This is a  _ disgrace.  _ I will not allow it!"

“Well, it’s not up to you.”

“I swear; I will put an end to this.”

“And how will you do that?”

Hux’s eyes roved wildly. “Infidelity.”

“Infidelity?” Rey asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Suddenly a look of gloating triumph spread over his face. “I’ve seen the way you and that...that groundskeeper act around each other.” He waved his hand at the door Ben had left through. “I know this wedding is a sham. Once I expose you as the fraud we both know you are, you will never be able to show your face here again.”

He really believed he had managed to find something against her. Rey barely managed to suppress a smile. “Are you going to inform the duke, then?”

“I believe I will,” Hux sneered. 

“Inform me of what?” Ben was suddenly in the doorway.

“I have nothing to say to you, oaf,” Hux snapped.

“Is that really how you will address His Grace?” Rey asked.

Hux’s mouth hung open, gaping like a fish out of water. Somehow, he turned even redder. “You...no...you’re not….you can’t…”

Ben crossed his arms and stepped closer to the smaller man, towering a good head above him. “Do you have anything else you wish to say to my bride?”

Hux gingerly stepped away from Ben and whirled back towards Rey. “You...you’ve seduced him in some way.”

“Allow me to worry about her seductions,” Ben growled.

“This is not over,” Hux hissed. “I will not allow a street urchin to pollute the shades of Takodana. I will not allow an orphan to claim my birthright.”

She was growing tired of his tantrum. “Did you know that the duchess told me of your old position in Snoke’s coup? I think you were a bit more involved than you initially had me believe,  _ General  _ Hux.”

The blood immediately drained from his face.

“Now, I think it would be a good idea for you to leave and never bother us again,” Rey said evenly. “Or I will show you just how much a street urchin can do.”

Hux was absolutely speechless. He searched desperately for something to retort with, but there was nothing. There was nothing he could do except storm away in a huff, attempting to salvage some dignity.

“That was impressive,” Ben snorted.

“Were you just standing outside the door?”

He grinned. “Couldn’t pass up the chance to see Hux get humiliated a little.”

Rey laughed. It was a freeing sound. It felt like a weight had been settling over her for months, and suddenly it was gone.

Ben wrapped her in his arms. “You’ve done it. Congratulations.” She held him back and practically melted into his arms. It was a long time before she let go. But now it felt as if there was one more thing she owed him.

“You know, we can call all of this off,” she said abruptly.

Ben frowned. “What?”

Rey felt her face grow warm. “Hux is taken care of. I doubt we’ll be seeing him again. If you really don’t want to marry me, I...I won’t force you.”

Ben was silent for a long moment. Rey didn’t dare look up at him.

“And what if I do?”

A nervous thrill shot through her. “You do?”

His fingers slipped through hers. Still not quite daring to believe it, she looked up into his eyes. 

He smiled softly. “Miss Rey Nemo, you must know that I am in love with you. I am deeply, ardently, irreversibly in love with you. I couldn’t say when or how it happened, but I can deny it no longer. I want nothing more than to lead you to that altar, and I want to love you and kiss you and wake up by your side every morning.”

Rey’s chest filled with an indescribable, blossoming feeling. She gripped his hand tightly, because without his touch she felt like she might have toppled over.

Ben’s brow slightly furrowed, nervous at her speechlessness. “Do you…”

“I do,” Rey blurted breathlessly. “I love you too.”

His face brightened, breaking into a wide grin. Rey laughed as he lifted her into the air, ecstatic. Giddily, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead to his.

“I supposed we should go out there and get married,” Ben said.

“We will,” Rey breathed, in that moment just happy to be with him, to know that he loved her back. “But let’s just stay here for a moment. Just us.”

Ben gladly obliged.

* * *

She felt Ben’s hands clasp hers and slide the warm gold ring onto her finger.

“With this ring I thee wed. With my body I thee worship. With all my worldly goods I thee endow. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” He said his vows almost in a whisper, like they were meant just for her.

“Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder,” the priest pronounced.

Ben’s fingers brushed her cheek as he drew her towards him. Their lips met, and it was beyond Rey’s wildest dreams. She pulled him closer, soaking in the taste of his lips and the feel of his arms around her. Dimly she was aware of applause, but nothing else mattered to her right then.

In the ensuing celebrations, she would embrace Leia, dance with Ognard, and even share a drink with Rose, who snuck in somehow. But all of that paled in comparison to that shining crystal of a moment with Ben.

Rey Nemo was happier than she had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on googling i think they didn't actually kiss during regency weddings, but i wasn't about to put you through 9 chapters and then not give you a kiss at the end.
> 
> thank you to everyone who read this far! i hope you enjoyed the ride.


End file.
